Losing a hope

When you lose a baby, you lose a hope, you lose thousands of smiles, and you welcome thousand of more tears.
From that right moment, your life changes.
3 years now, and Romina has gone, she went after that white bunny playing around, and even when she knew we were waiting for her, she faded out within those trees of play.
I remember myself, praying mornings after that day, to be back pregnant again, to have that hope again of holding of her soon. I can see me traveling in the back seat of the van, losing my mind in those views, to be then called to the reality and smile to my other kids. "want to be pregnant again, want to be pregnant again of Romina" that was all what I was thinking, I did not want to try it again, I did not want to accept that I had lost my baby either,  I didn't want to move on and be in the risk of forgetting all this, and then my body was doing its part of remembering that my belly was empty, those cramps, that blood.
When you lose a baby, you lose you for a while, and you need to give you your time for grief, to cry, to be negative, to blame, to be quite, to scream, but you need to let it out. You oughta do it. I didn't, and it took more time and deeper to fix that.

You was not born, and you will not never, but I'm sure that you watch for us an you smile in every sun. You took candies with you, that you throw away when is raining. You are laughing in every song in the radio and you Romina, will live in my heart for ever.